Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
