I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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