just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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