we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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