im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
