ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
