i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
