Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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