it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
