Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
