I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
