i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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