how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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