Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
