So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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