I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize