the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
