i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
