Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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