Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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