This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
