also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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