Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
