the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
