I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
