First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
