Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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