how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize