Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
