Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the raccoons are back...
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