I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
