just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Your tits are I can't wait for
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
