Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
