Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
