I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
