I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
