My nipple is on Facebook.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
