I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
