God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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