guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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