Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
