its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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