apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
