This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
