Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
