Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize