I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
