You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
