How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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