rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
