i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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