everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
