I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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