Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
