gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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