I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
