whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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