Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
