yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
