You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize