and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
