I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
