if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
