hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
