Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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