It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
