I only kidnapped one of them. chill
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
