And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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